Metaphors and Stories

• “Think of it as….”

• “Sort of like…”

• “It is as if….”

• “I remember this one time when…”

• “I once noticed…”

• “One of my professors remarked that…”

In your meetings and presentation keep using metaphors and stories to keep the audience in alignment with you, to keep them interested, and to turn your expertise into useful information. One of my attorney clients said with some exasperation, “How many ways can I explain the term ‘negligence’?” To all of us non-lawyers it is worth the effort. Your audience will always be polite and nod in agreement but retain nothing! So, check at the end of any technical explanation with the simple and powerful, “I’m trying to get better at this. Please tell me in your own words what you think negligence is.” You will be amazed how clear you were…or maybe you’ll have some clearing up to do!

Advice From The King

A long-ago voice on radio and television, the preeminent interviewer Larry King, wrote: “Nothing I say today is going to teach me anything. So, if I am going to learn I must do it by listening.” Now the ironic part of this quote is that Larry was married eight times, twice to the same woman. So, this advice worked at work, maybe less at home? A quick check-up, how well do I listen at home and with friends like I listen to my KOL, my colleagues, and my boss? Remind myself: Everyone loves hearing a good listener!

Using Your Native Language

For this week's Wednesday Rewind, I talk about "Using Your Native Language" to connect with others. What strategies do you use to connect with colleagues, neighbors, friends or when meeting new people?

Teaching at Institute of Pastoral Studies - Loyola University Chicago gives me a worldwide view of life with students from Korea, Poland, China, Spain, South America, India, Pakistan, and even from Atlanta, Georgia! As I teach, I’ve learned to use their native language to teach me more about our English vocabulary. I recently asked the students to put the word “hunch” on the board in their native language and then to define it. None defined it as “hunch” instead painting a video for us of that word in action. I asked a student from Thailand to write “empathy” on the board in Thai…it was a very long word! When asked to define it, she thought for a moment and said, “Sitting on my grandmother’s lap after dinner before the fireplace.” Perfect! With your international colleagues or neighbors try using their language early and often to enhance your English understanding. The powerful world of words, images, metaphors, and inclusion awaits.

Is it Necessary

When we bought our first home, we did all the things first time home buyers do: We bought stuff! Lawn mower, rakes, shovels, air conditioner cover for winter (this was a few years ago!), and a new this and a new that. My next-door neighbor who was much older and wiser when he noticed or I told him of my newest purchase always said the same thing: “Is it, was it, necessary?” This became a kind of motto for me in those early years and saved us a bit of cash. Today I still ask that when I’m preparing for a presentation or a facilitation of a pharma team. How is this plan, this PowerPoint slide, this activity…how are they necessary? Our audiences the ones within our teams and companies or our KOLs are much, much more discriminating these days with the value we present. They are, as Nido Qubein, President of High Point University, the value interpreters. When we focus on us alone, we exclude the ones who will know the real value…the audience. Every one of them is asking, silently of course, “Can you help me solve my problem? Can you improve my condition?”  Consider next time to strip down that PowerPoint deck and make room for what is necessary and for the audience to tell you what is useful.

The Art of an Introduction

How do you think of others?  How do you introduce them? I notice that physicians are known and introduced by their name and their specialty and…that’s it! It is as if they are a “noun” defined by a name and a thing…their specialty. Of course, depending on the specialty this can come with a raft of judgments! Surgeon? We all know what they are like, right? Hospice? They are so nice! But what if we help this definition-by-noun/title with a metaphorical verb/adverb after their name and specialty. “Dr. Hicks is our neurosurgeon and also a Boston marathoner and she is certainly that too in the OR and at the bedside…she never gives up.  Dr. Ana McKee at The Joint Commission holds three C-Suite titles and was once introduced by those titles (her nouns) with the following, “And she has met seven Supreme Court Justices (her husband is a Federal Judge) and you’d never know it unless you ask by the way she treats everyone not as better or worse but as who we are together.” Doesn’t this round out her identity to you a bit better than only her influential status at The Joint Commission? Who do you know at your place…and how do you both think about them and introduce them? Enhance their presence and you will enhance yours as well.

First Step Might Be the Hardest

This week's Wednesday Rewind felt fitting after that nail-biting Game 7 over the weekend. Ever found yourself unsure how to jump into a meeting or discussion? What strategies help you navigate those moments?

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Meetings and discussions are prime opportunities to make ourselves heard, but often hesitancy, embarrassment, and simple ignorance prevent us from saying anything. 

I was recently with a group of men who were discussing a baseball game – their vast knowledge of the game was met with equal amounts of enthusiasm! My ‘sports chat’ however is limited to when I watch the Olympics every four years, and the odd demolition derby or two during the summer. I am quite literally clueless with nothing to contribute. Nothing! So, I sat in silence occasionally nodding my head to show some semblance of, well, anything. Everyone could have been speaking Romanian for all I knew! 

Being an extrovert, one can only do this for so long before breaking so I took a different approach. “You mentioned ______, the first baseman. In your opinion what makes him so special?” At that moment I was desperately hoping the guy was the first baseman! All of a sudden, an entirely new conversation began with me there too. The ‘guys’ all had an opinion… all I had to do was ask a few more questions out of real curiosity (and complete ignorance!) to be able to join in. 

My inner expertise is curiosity, not baseball. This same skill allows me to communicate with executives, the homeless, snobs, us commoners, even with those I don’t like a whole lot!  Phew, this time I made it out of a sports discussion with my self-esteem intact…and I even found out what a first baseman is supposed to do!

AI & Your Career Materials - A Powerful Tool, A Risky Shortcut

AI can save us time—but when it comes to career materials, speed isn’t everything.

In this short video, I explore how AI can support your writing—and where it can steer you off course.

Quick takeaways:

• Your voice matters. AI shouldn’t erase it.

• Generic resumes don’t connect. Tailored ones do.

• Think about your audience—not just what you want to say.

AI is a tool. Let’s use it wisely.

Is My Evaluation about Being Mad or Hurt?

Are you ever asked to evaluate a presenter, a product, or a service? Some of us do so gladly with the effort to help. Some, however, decide that my bad day is going to be your bad day! Evalution's are often anonymous and in some cases, anything goes! What is your goal? Do you want to critique or help, provide support or solutions, dump or demonstrate? Give an evaluation honestly with the thought that this could make someone or some hotel better. I gave a terrible Press Gainey score about a physician visit and received a phone call within 12 hours from his office manager. “What can we do better next time Mr. O’Connor?” I should have included that the first time and not given a score out of anger but out of concern for the next time. (I would have been even more impressed had he called me back.) I once met Costco’s VP of Produce, who on a daily basis randomly chose three complaints and called the person for more feedback. He learned a great deal and won over another customer.

Lead with Wisdom, Not Just Data

Recently, a Maryland toddler fell from the 15th story of an apartment building and survived with a broken leg and some internal injuries. An MIT physicist and mechanical engineering professor, Anette Hosoi, said, “It’s not the fall, it’s the landing.” She then went on to speak about terminal velocity, mass acceleration, and other factors.

Her first quote though about the fall and the landing is the one that sticks. She said it first instead of all the data first. And in plain language that everyone can understand.

Later in a tip for parents in high rise apartments, Katie Donnelly, a pediatric emergency medicine physician at Children’s National Hospital in Washington, cautioned, “Screens keep bugs out, not keep kids in.” The details of why and how can come later; the wisdom is in the first sentence about screens.

An idea for us all, especially when presenting complicated material, is to find a way to make things very clear to any person at any level of education.

Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs cautioned us not to worry about being “perfect” but rather concern yourself with being “useful.”

Oh, and some interesting ideas here: Joshua Abzug, a pediatric orthopedist at the University of Maryland Medical Center, noted that the child landed in bushes with strong branches, which absorbed the energy. Had the child landed in a soft spot, the injuries could have been much worse, perhaps even fatal.

And one more tidbit: Hosoi mentioned that if a rabbit was dropped from an airplane (do not attempt this at home!), it has a 50/50 chance of survival based on its weight… as long as it isn’t a BIG rabbit!

The point to all of this: make your distinction short and clear and full of wisdom… then pile on the facts, if necessary!

Know when to walk away

One of the most powerful techniques I’ve learned from expert negotiators?
Know when to walk away.

When a deal is clearly misaligned, forcing it can do more harm than good. The ability to pause, decline, and reassess is a skill—and a sign of confidence, not weakness.

Every time I think of this, I’m reminded of the 1968 classic by The Four Tops: “Walk Away Renée.” Take a moment to enjoy the brilliance of this group: Watch here: https://lnkd.in/dzc5ahc4

Technology-free zones

Technology-free zones can transform your interactions! Watch this video to learn more...

I was heard

Thanks to parent educator Dr. Michael Popkin for this quote: “Democracy means you may not get your way, but you will get your say.”

If you lead a team, yes you can muffle them if you dare, cut them off, attempt to manipulate the agenda for speed…but you will always pay the price in their resentment, often silent and deadly, representing how disrespected they feel. A quiet team member is a dangerous one for you, for the effort, and for themselves.

This doesn't mean we vote on everything, nor does it mean that we all have to agree. It simply means your team members should leave any meeting with the phrase above all phrases in their heart: “I was heard.”

Describing What you Do

How would you describe your work as a picture? This is an interesting way to explain what you do with really simple language, removing all of the jargon! Watch this video to learn more and let me know what your picture would be in the comments!

Giving your opinion

Ever met an ‘opinionated person’? We all have opinions and pretty good ones at that! The question is not whether we are right but rather are we being useful.

Rudolph Dreikurs, the famous Chicago psychiatrist, advocated having the ‘courage to be imperfect’ as an antidote to our superiority of personal opinion among other things.

If you can’t help but give your opinion, start with a brief summary that encompasses the issue using the words of others, especially the words of those 180 degrees different than you.

“It seems to me that Dr. Shaw feels the anesthesia group is being systematically excluded from the decisions of the board…and I wonder if this inclusion could begin to be accomplished with an outside facilitator rather than at this meeting right now.” This might be a better response than, “I disagree that we have to do this at this meeting.”

Anytime you begin with “I disagree..." "Are you serious..." "Are you kidding me..." be very, very careful. Each of those statements activates the amygdala and you will be in for a fight, a flight, or a freeze…not a “We can figure this out together.”

What really needs to be said!

Sometimes the CEO or someone of a higher rank than your boss, might want a moment with you, alone, without HR! Perhaps it was something that provoked their interest in you, or a casual elevator “Let’s get together sometime” (that you wisely followed up on!) Perhaps you want to set them straight on a few things that are happening, or create a strong impression of yourself. Completely understandable… just, don’t!
 
On paper we would never do any of those things, but ask anyone in power and you will repeatedly hear the same mistakes we make when given time with them. Instead, make yourself known by listening, aligning, and asking questions that allow them to give you advice.
 
One CEO said to me, “My door is always open to everyone, and I’ll give them about two minutes to help me understand why I should give them two more!” He wasn’t the most popular person but he was clear! Consider finding ways to say things through your actions, your patience, your kindness, your listening…and then in an informed and intentional way, say your piece not because it ‘needs to be said’ but because it needs to be received.

Be prepared to get voicemail

Have you ever received a voicemail that sounds like a car commercial on the radio when they have to read the fine print as fast as possible? You have to listen to it three times to get the number right, or you are left wondering which ‘Bob’ is calling you?
 
Next time you make a call, be prepared to get the person’s voicemail. Decide in advance what to say, the pace you will speak, the information vital to the return call (always give your phone number even if you know they already have it), and the purpose of your call…again in a voice as steady as if you were on NPR.
 
You don’t need to tell them the time or day, the phone will tell them that. Nor do you need to tell them the weather where you are, they don’t care. Nor do you need to imitate an airline pilot’s announcement, “This is, uhhh, your captain speaking, today we are uhhhh going to Seattle (we know that) and we uhhhh will be flying at 35,000 feet (not necessary) and uhhh given the time I won’t be making any more uhhhh announcements,” At last some good news!
 
Leave a good impression - clear, crisp, professional, paced, with just enough information. That way they will not only remember to return your call, but won’t be afraid to do so!

Go for the adverbs and verbs

Be curious about people beyond the nouns they use to describe themselves or their jobs. Go for the adverbs and the verbs…that is where the action is! Your colleague just returned from a vacation in the Arctic to watch the caribou migration (I am not kidding, she really did!). Ask an interesting question that gets to the heart of the journey for her. “Tell me what you saw in the animals’ eyes that intrigued you?” or “What was the most challenging part of the trip?” (This is a never-fail question, helping the other person go deeper). Avoid the obvious questions… “Bathrooms? Buses? Food? Masks?” and go for the motivational questions that help you be there with them.

Thursday Thought

"I felt heard, thank you.” This was the response I had from recent interactions with two different people. I didn’t ask for the response and frankly I might have passed it off as a simple ‘thank you’. But the earnestness of their first three words took me by surprise.

It made me wonder how often I may have missed this message before. I also wondered how many times I may have missed helping someone to feel heard, with my focus instead working to ‘solve for’ or advise or placate or quiz. Those people may have felt better heard by their dog or cat!

Making someone feel heard doesn’t have to be complex - paraphrasing and empathy are powerful tools for simple communication. When was the last time you said to yourself “I felt heard”, or better yet the last time someone told you “I felt heard, thank you”?

Saying "Thank you"

Do you just say "thanks", or do you go one step further to say WHY you are saying thanks? Learn more in this video!

If at first you don’t succeed, speak encouragingly to yourself

Be good to yourself. Be kind and forgiving. Understand that you will make mistakes. You will contribute to others who you may never hear from again, but they walk away from you with the best words of all, “I felt heard.”